Q – Hey nahole, greenie again. OK, so if you’ve paid any fucking attention to my blog, you’d know that a sexy tattooed guy wandered into my work a few weeks ago to have his lawyer deal with a DUI charge. I’d really like to climb this guy like a fucking tree, so I grabbed the lawyer by the lapels and demanded he slide my name into the conversation. The guy was apparently impressed (“she likes me? no way!”) and thinks I ‘have a nice rack’. (SWEEET!) But being all stressed over losing his license, girlfriend and nearly his job, he told the lawyer he’d talk to me the next time he came in. Well, next time came: he made polite small talk and then barrelled out with an ‘okaytakecareseeyoulaterbye!’ What the fuckass?! I need a guy’s opinion. Is he shy? Fucking retarded? Intimidated? He’s clearly not blind to my awesome tits, so what’s the big fucking deal? Is he a douchebag? He’s coming in again in a few days, and it’ll probably be the last time. How do I get this guy to make a move, or at least slip him my number without looking like a fucking douchebag myself?
A – Clearly he’s fucking gay. He probably said all the shit to the lawyer to sound cool and all; but if your tits are as awesome as you fucking say they are – and you were wearing a slutty little kilt (as you mentioned in yesterday’s post) – and you STILL got nothing, well shit, I’d blame him. Guys who pretend to think that some chick has a nice rack but then proceed to ignore all the fucking signals that said chick would like to fuck them at some point are assholes.
Awesome! Best reply ever. As soon as this douchebag walks in, I’m totally showing him this post. “You pissed me off so much I put you on the fucking internet!” Sweeet. He’ll totally love me then.
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 5, 2007 @ 11:27 am |
Glad I could fucking help. The guy sounds like he’s probably a fucking sack of shit so you’re probably better fucking off with out him.
Comment by nahole — October 5, 2007 @ 2:16 pm |
good luck Greenie!! i hope you do get to climb him like a fucking tree, that would fucking rock! CLIMB ON!!
Comment by joebec — October 5, 2007 @ 2:19 pm |
GAH! Son of a bitch was supposed to be in today and cancelled his appointment!!!!! What am I supposed to do, take the GO bus up to his house and beat him up with my tits? JESUS CHRIST!
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 5, 2007 @ 4:09 pm |
A good tit whipping is the stuff of every fucking adolescent boy’s dreams – don’t give him the satisfaction. Consider the following:
a) misroute his calls and fail to alert people of his appointments
b) ignore him when he comes in and refer to him as “tit-hating asshole” whenever you do address him
c) beat the shit out of him with a stick – way less sexy
Comment by nahole — October 8, 2007 @ 10:20 am |
Haha, nahole, I totally heart you. If you lived up in Canada, I’d totally tit-whip you out of sheer fucking gratitude. As for this kid, the next time he comes in, I’m just going to say “look, assmonkey, you’re costing me drycleaning since I wear my asstastic skirt everytime you’re SUPPOSED to come in. so just take my damned number so I can stop feeling like a douchebag already, and just call me whenever. Asshole.”
Calling someone an asshole is the best pickup line ever.
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 9, 2007 @ 8:48 am |
Oh shit, the idea of a fucking tit-whipping from you just gave me a fucking hardon. Thanks.
Comment by nahole — October 9, 2007 @ 8:53 am |
No problem. Glad I could help
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 9, 2007 @ 11:23 am |
Just noticed this post, wanted to confirm that Emerald’s tit truly are awesome.
Comment by Cait — October 10, 2007 @ 1:34 pm |
They sound great – sorry I can’t enjoy them myself.
Comment by nahole — October 10, 2007 @ 1:47 pm |
Haha, Cait saw my tits once, or at least from the side, because we were at a game of Dirty Bingo, and I wanted more raffle tickets. So I flashed Shirley the Drag Queen my boobs for an arms length of tickets. It was totally worth it, because in that arms lenght was the winning fucking ticket. The prize was fucking awesome, too
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 12, 2007 @ 10:02 am |
Ah yes, the vibrating pink rabbit…
Comment by Cait — October 13, 2007 @ 1:06 am |
That was later eaten…by my fucking rabbit!!! He later went on to also chew the shit out of my walls, my floor tiles, and the crotches of my favourite panties. I finally got him his own girlfriend, which is why I now have five rabbits….but yes…the vibrating pink rabbit was fun. I need to get another one.
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 14, 2007 @ 6:12 pm |
Greenie – more details please!
Comment by nahole — October 15, 2007 @ 10:26 am |
The sonofabitch is now expected in November 16th. BLARRGGH!!!!!
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 16, 2007 @ 10:58 am |
You should definitely tart way the fuck up, act like a total slut and then tell him he can go fuck himself. In fact, you may want to hand him an envelope with a little thing of fucking cream and a tissue with a note telling him this as much as he’s going to fucking get from you.
Comment by nahole — October 16, 2007 @ 11:21 am |
Haha, that’s deliciously evil, I love it! I’ll definitely tart way the fuck up though, that’s for damn sure.
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 17, 2007 @ 11:59 am |
Well, let everyone know how it works.
Comment by nahole — October 17, 2007 @ 6:26 pm |
Sure will. A frigging month from now! Bastard…
Comment by greenmetropolis — October 18, 2007 @ 3:26 pm |
HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! Guess what?! Douchebag finally called me up! He was just really nervous the whole time. Awwww.
Comment by greenmetropolis — November 27, 2007 @ 9:39 am |
Thanks for the fucking update – I hope he’s not some kind of a fucking pussy.
Comment by nahole — November 27, 2007 @ 1:31 pm |