Dear A-Hole – I <3 Matthew McConaughey

Q – Mister Hole, I know you live in Boston and I do too (maybe we should get together some time ;-O) and I saw on the news that MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY is here doing a movie. I wish we was doing me! What celebrity would you most like to have sex with. Nina

A – Is this like the first fucking time you’ve ever read this fucking blog? I assume not since you seem to know that I live in Boston. But if you had half a fucking brain you would know that I FUCKING HATE CELEBRITIES!

But before I go fucking nuts on your sorry fucking ass for that idiotic infraction, let me address some of the more annoying aspects of your fucking email.

1) I fucking hate those fucking triangle 3 things to make fucking hearts.  H.A.T.E. them – and you used one.  Asshole.

2) If you were the last fucking woman on earth and I was the only fucking man and if the only fucking thing that would save both our lives was fucking hanging out with you I would choose to fucking die.  You may be hot, “nice” and all that other fucking shit but the fact that you think about celebrities makes my fucking dick shrivel.

3) The fact that you imagine fucking celebrities makes me want to fucking puke.  Do you also imagine them taking dumps, or puking, or seeing their fucking doctor about hemorrhoids?  I’ll bet you fucking do.

So which celebrity would I like to fuck?  A dead one, yeah, let me at some dead celeb’s fucking cadaver and I’ll go to fucking town.  Not that I would ever fuck a dead person (that’s just fucked up) but I like dead celebrities more than live ones.  Not that I think the stars and shitheads of the past were somehow fucking better than they are today but just because they’re dead.

Hey Nina, you’re a fucking asshole.