Dear A-Hole: A celebration of my cock

Q – Hey asshole, I saw your comment over on the Year of the Chick blog (which makes you seem a little light in your loafers buddy).  You seem pretty keen on your penis.  Cherri

A- Well Cherri, if you read that fucking blog you’d know it’s a place where lots of fucking people hang out to talk about all kinds of critical fucking shit.

It’s true that I’m pretty keen on my fucking cock – and why not?  My fucking dick rocks.  Ask anyone who’s had the good fortune to experience it and they’ll tell you that my dick is awesome.  I mean I’ve only experienced part of the magic that is my cock but believe me, from my own (admittedly biased) perspective it’s pretty fucking good.  And man is it versatile.

I can use it to take a fucking leak – which is pretty fucking good.  It’s also good for tickling a chick’s tonsils, basting a womb, drilling an asshole, jizzing on a face, slipping between tits and some things you probably wouldn’t guess.  For example, I have tied a string around it an used it as a fishing pole – i can fucking cast with the damn thing.  Once, I fell asleep naked in a field – when I woke up there was flag flying on it and a bunch of people looking up saluting.

Once I was at the fucking beach and I heard this chick in the water screaming.  She was pretty far out there and everyone was running around trying to figure out what the fuck to do.  Being the quick-thinking motherfucker that I am, I reached into my pants and began twirling my dick over my head like a lasso.  I let it fly and it landed in the water not far from her.  People on the shore watched with their binoculars as she grabbed hold.  She got rescued and I got a fucking hand job.  It was a fucking win-win situation.

I mentioned on the blog that I am going to do a statue of my dick for Boston.  Nine feet long.  It’s going to be fucking awesome.  Nice marble, it’s gonna look really good.  Yeah, my cock is something else.  I wish more people (women) had the opportunity to enjoy this fucking thing.

Anyone who doesn’t think my cock is awesome is a fucking asshole.