Dear A-hole – Fuck Animals

Q – N. – I saw the saddest thing this weekend.  A dead dog on the side of the road.  Don’t you hate to see dead animals or animals suffering at all?  Ginger

A – The saddest fucking thing I’ve seen recently is your fucking email.  Boo-fucking-hoo.  I hope you at least grabbed the thing to bring home to eat.  I don’t really give two shits about animals.  I mean I like to eat them and stuff; and sure – a dog can be cool (unless it’s a fucking gay-ass drug sniffing son of a bitch – I hate those fucking things).  In general though, animals are fucking wallpaper for me – and guess what – I don’t fucking care about the wallpaper.

One thing that pisses me off about animals is that they fucking attack people and shit.  Bears are always going crazy on people – lions too.  Look what happened to those weird German dudes on in fucking Vegas – their fucking lion or something ate on of them and shit.  That isn’t cool.  Bees fucking stink, cats fucking scratch, dogs fucking bite, horses fucking kick, lions fucking roar, snakes fucking strike, bats get caught in your fucking hair, gerbils crawl up your fucking ass, gorillas fucking rip you apart, bears fucking maul, monkeys throw shit at you – this list could go on for fucking ever.

But you do one fucking thing to defend yourself against this shit and you get fucking busted.  Shit, if I see a fucking bear growling or something – and I had a fucking gun – damn straight I’m going to fucking blow it apart.  No one get mad if you kill a fucking bee or a mosquito so what makes a bear or a dog and different.  If they are bothering you I think killing them makes fucking sense.  Now killing a mosquito or a cat might not be that hard – but if you have to kill something bigger – say a lion or a horse – you’re gonna need to be prepared.

I’ll fucking tell you that the goddamn animal lovers out there are trying to fucking get rid of all the guns and shit so no one can deal with shitty fucking animals.  Rabbits, squirrels, bats, turtles, fucking birds, flounder, sharks all have more fucking rights than we do man.  It fucking sucks.  It gives me a boner when I see one of these fucking things dead.  Score one for the fucking humans.

People who go fucking crazy about animals are assholes.