Dear A-hole – Two for me, three for us

Q – Like most guys, the idea of a threesome has always intrigued me.  On Friday night, it almost happened.  The only problem was the third person was a guy.  HELP.  C. Norris

A – Holy shit man, that like blows.  You might want to hit the fucking booze buddy if you’re seen as perfect fodder for a little lady sandwich or something.  Two chicks, sure, who isn’t down with that – but who the fuck wants to have some strange shlong slapping around – and maybe even fucking slapping into your face while your lapping away?  No fucking N.A. Hole, that’s for sucking sure.

I love chicks a ton and want them to be happy – but if them being happy means me and some other dude swapping spit or something . . . well fuck that, they can be sad as fucking shit for all I care.  Now if two chicks want to do me – that’s totally totally fine.  It’s better than fine.  One chick squatting on my dick while the other one licks my salty nuts?  Oh yeah . . .

Now some may say this is a double standard.  And to that I say so the fuck what.  Like I give a shit, like I hold myself to some unattainable ideal of fairness and balance.  Bullshit.  The only thing I care about is me – it’s one of the many things that makes me an asshole.

And another fucking thing – did you know this dude?  Is it someone you work with or something?  Man, that would suck balls.  Monday morning would just be about as shitty as anything could be if this dude works at the same store with you or something.  But fuck, if it’s a stranger it might even be worse – that means there are tons of guys out there just thinking what it would be like to sink their pole into your stink hole with a chick involved in some way.

Fuck.

Now I’ve gone down this route assuming you said no and shit but maybe you didn’t.  Maybe you were looking for some help on how to connect with this dude.  If that’s the fucking case though you’re barking up the wrong goddamn tree.

Shit – people who bust out this shit are fucking assholes.