So last fucking night I was in this fucking dive. Being here in Kickassachusetts I stood in front and smoked some weed. (That’s right restofthefuckingcountry, we can smoke dope all the time here.) I went in an started to get fucking plastered and shit. Anyway, I was standing there when a fucking foul-ass fart slipped out of my ass and wreaked havoc on the place.
This one dude, it’s first victim, called this other guy over so he’d have to smell it. That led to the two of them arguing about who had done it. Meanfuckingwhile I just stood there drinking my beer. The think crept up the floor toward the stage, sending people gasping. The dude who smelled it second went to work as a fucking town crier or something, running around like a douche bag warning people that it was coming. This of course convinced more people that it was him.
I was there with this hot chick that I know pretty well. She was cracking up about what was fucking happening and almost pissed her pants when I told her it was really me.
I love fucking farting and anyone who says they don’t are fucking assholes.
your farts are legendary. That’s kind of similar to my friends story about his fart smelling so bad on a bus in mexico that they had to pull over and evacuate everyone for fresh air.
hahaha..farts are awesome.
Kevin
Comment by Kevin Lara — January 26, 2009 @ 3:58 pm |
fuck – to have to evacuate a bus means that had to be one bad motherfucking stink.
Comment by nahole — January 26, 2009 @ 5:40 pm |
I love 99% of my farts, too. Call me a fucking asshole if you want, but I hate those 1% of farts when a little leaks out and I have to go clean myself and change underwear. Those suck.
Comment by Dennis — February 1, 2009 @ 1:58 am |
The worst farts are what “The Fart Book” calls the “girls don’t fart” farts! I have an unrealistic perspective of beautiful women.
In my imagination, they never fart (or shit, for that matter).
In high school, my favorite was Jamie. She was a ravishing, voluptuous, natural blonde, with an unforgettable smile. I never got a date with her, because I didn’t know how to appropriately converse with any of my peers (autistic spectrum disorder).
But I did talk with her, once. The teacher was out of the classroom for a while (probably shitting). My desk was behind Jamie’s, and I attempted conversation with her. She turned around, listening to me patiently. Suddenly I smelled a fart. I knew it was hers, despite her smile, but couldn’t come to grips with it. ‘How could she break a wind?’ I thought.
Since then, I’ve realized that beautiful women do fart! They just know how to cover it up, with a glamorous smile!
Comment by Scott — April 27, 2009 @ 6:11 pm |