Q – Hasta La Vista NA? So can’t help notice that there have been some tragic celeb deaths in recent days. Given your feeling on celebrities, how does this all make you feel? Cornhuskie
A – From some fucking song I think I heard in a douche bag commercial or something, “I’m walking on fucking sunshine.” All of these dead and dying celebrities make more room for the deserving non-celebrities. More fucking air for the rest us is what I fucking say!
Let’s look at last weeks rollcall in a bit more fucking detail, shall we?
Farah: Look, I’ll be honest, I probably beat my fucking meat to her poster more than a few fucking times. I missed Charlie’s Angels when she was on it because I’m not fucking old. But still, I think she would have looked hot sporting some of my man-chowder across her face. Sorry she died and shit.
Michael Jackson: Grade-A freakazoidal douchbag. WFT? The fucking guy tries to change fucking races, bang fucking kids, keeps a fucking pet monkey and shit, acts like the freak to end all freaks and then pulls a Hank fucking Williams Sr. It’s been fucking years (at fucking least) since I heard one of his shitty songs. Even this past week with him being dead and all I managed not to hear even one little fucking bit. Yay for me.
Billy Mays: You all know my fucking lifestyle – I stay up all night getting baked, jacking off, etc. I also consume shitty TV the way some people drink water. And there’s nothing surer about shitty TV than that you’re going to see Billy fucking Mays trying to sell you some shit. I remember once I was fucking MESSED UP on shrooms or acid or something and suddenly felt this fucking connection with Billy. I’m not trying to sound gay or anything but I fucking loved the guy. There was just something about the way he was talking that fucking night that made a lot of fucking sense. I can’t even remember what the fucking he was talking about but fuck – it really meant a lot to me at least.
Thankfully, none of these deaths was a personal tragidy for me. I know that for some people life fucking has lost it’s fucking meaning since these bags bit it – not me baby. I’m all about having a good fucking time and not giving two goat fucks about celebrities – living or fucking dead.
People who give a shit about this shit are fucking assholes.
You missed one. What about Ed McMahon? This one is particularly bad for me, because I used to get personal mail from him all the time telling me I’d pretty much won $8 million dollars and one day Ed was going to show up at my doorstep and give it to me. Every time the fucking doorbell rang, I expected to see Ed standing there with a load of cash. I don’t get it. Was it too hard to find my fucking house? Anyway, this really chaps my ass because now it’s highly unlikely that he’s going to show up with the scratch. Maybe he left it to me in his will. Do you know how I can find out?
Comment by Dennis — June 30, 2009 @ 4:04 pm |
Oh yeah, that pale old sack of shit. Yeah, he’s fucking dead too.
Comment by nahole — July 1, 2009 @ 9:55 am |