Dear A-Hole – What Kind of People Suck

Q – Dude, the other day I was out riding my scooter when this fugly MILF almost creams me in her SUV.  The worst part was that she has this sticker on her window, “Kind People Rule.”  What kind of person would want to run me over?  WTF.  Gibber

A – Dude – a chick can’t be fugly and a fucking MILF at the same time unless you like fucking ugly chicks and shit.  So she cut you off – cry me a fucking river.  You’re a fucking pussy for riding a fucking scooter in the first fucking play you lame little scrot bag.  I will agree that there’s something maybe kind of fucking ironic about the sticker.  It made me fucking think, “what fucking KIND of PERSON” was she? That’s easy – a fucking  cunt.

I fucking hate people who go out and mouth off about what hot fucking shit they are and then go and act like total douche nozzles.  This is a prime fucking example.  Too bad you weren’t on a real bike that you could have caught up with her and smashed a window with a chain or lock or something.  “Bad news bitch, I’m not fucking kind.”  HAHAHAHAHAHA

People do drive like pricks are assholes.

Dear A-Hole – I fucking love the sound of your voice

Q – Mister Hole – I am on the train from New York to Washington.  There is a loud cell phone talker somewhere near me and it is killing me.  You seem to have things pretty figured out when it comes to annoying people on trains.  Advice?  Mary

A – I would simply walk up to the person and ask them to stop speaking so loudly.  This is a common problem and one that can easily be dealt with using a firm but polite request.

Ha Ha Ha.  Who the fuck and I kidding.  Here’s what I’d do – I would get out of my seat and hunt this asshole down.  It the asshole is a chick, I’d say something like, “Hey, you fucking cunt, do you mind shutting that fucking cock hole below your fucking nose before I shove it up your goddamn ass?”  If the fucking asshole is a dude, I recommend, “Hey you fucking douche bag, I fucking hate you you fucking cock head.  You fucking pimping your fucking mother or something you fucking piece of shit?  Why don’t you pipe the fuck down before I jam that phone into your fuck scrot bag so fucking hard your balls pop out your fucking nose?”

Now don’t be fooled.  Even though these might sound like fucking questions they’re not; they’re really carefully crafted commands.  Making them sound like questions fools the fucking asshole into thinking they have a fucking choice, while the threats help them make the right fucking choice.  One thing: if they ignore you you need to be fucking ready to go totally crazy on them and do what you said.

Loud shitheads are fucking assholes.

Asshole of the Week – See You Next Tuesday

I fucking love the word CUNT.  Totally fucking like to hear it and see it in print and shit.  CUNT.  CUNT.  CUNT.

Why fucking people have a problem with this fucking word is beyond me.  I think the only people who have problems with the word CUNT are assholes.  Yesterday was a red letter day for the word CUNT.  Rarely are we fucking treated to people saying CUNT on TV but it happened yesterday.  That’s right, yesterday, Jane Fucking Fonda said CUNT on TV.

Does that mean she’s the Asshole of the Week?  No fucking way; it means she fucking rocks.  So who in the whole CUNTgate fiasco earns the fucking prize?  That answer to that question is two fold (get the  subtle allusion to a CUNT? . . .).

The prime Asshole of the Week award goes to that bipedal turd Meredith Vieira for fucking apologizing for the word CUNT.  She’s sharing this week’s fucking honors with all the other douche bags and NBC who got their fucking knickers in a twist over the word CUNT.

Look, all women have them, most men fucking love them and anyone who has issues with them is a total fucking asshole.  But Meredith and NBC get the gold this week for being total fucking cock slaps over Jane Fonda saying CUNT.

Congratulations gang, you’re this week’s Asshole of the Week.