Q – Asshole, this is kind of embarrassing but I figure it’s safe to bring up using a fake name. Today I had a big meeting at my office. Just before the meeting I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I didn’t shake well and ended up with a big dark piss stain on the front of my khakis. Thankfully I was able to hide it – but good gracious it was touch and go! Louis Leaky
A – You’re a fucking douche bag. Exhibit a) khakis? what they fuck are you, some kind of fucking jungle explorer or something? Exhibit b) a “big” meeting. WFT, were you like solving the fucking money problems or just playing grabass with yourself in the fucking janitor’s closet? Exhibit c) “safe using a fake name” and then using “Louis Leaky” – that’s so fucking dumb it hurts. Exhibit d) “good gracious.”
Buddy, you got a lot more to fucking worry about than a little piss on the front of your fucking asshole pants. Try taking a little time to reflect on what a piece of shit you probably are. Listen, that piss was like the real you trying to get the fuck out of the hell you’ve created fro yourself. It was like a little of you saying, “hey, don’t forget me – I used to be cool and could drink all night and didn’t care if I pissed my fucking pants.”
Me? I don’t give a shit. If I get a little piss on my pants who cares. If anyone says anything I look down and say something like, “Goddammit, I told that fucking slut to swallow.” That usually stops the conversation dead in its fucking tracks.
But seriously, sober guys who piss their pants (like you) are fucking assholes.
