Q – Dear Sir/ Madam
My name is Dr.Denis Ncube a high placed official working with Department of (Finance & Economic Affairs) in Johannesburg South Africa.
I decided to reach you directly to solicit for your assistance and guidelines in making a business investment and transfer of US$30,500,000.00(Thirty Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) to your country.
Please I must plead for your confidence in this transaction. I and a colleague of mine are currently in need of a silent foreign partner whose identity we can use to transfer this sum of money. But at this moment, I am constrained to issue more details about this profitable business until I get your response by email, please if you can take out a moment of your very busy schedule today to respond back to my private email below for more details and include your private telephone number for easier and faster communication with you.
This fund accrued legitimately to us as commission from foreign contracts, through our private connections.
The fund is presently waiting to be remitted from the bank here in South Africa to any overseas beneficiary confirmed by us as associate/receiver. By virtue of our positions as civil servants in my country, we cannot acquire this money in our names. Because as high placed civil servants, we are not allowed by the civil service code of conduct to own or operate bank accounts outside of our shores. On the other hand, it is not safe for us to keep the money here due to unstable political environment. My colleague has mandated me as a matter of trust to look for an overseas silent partner who could work with us to facilitate transfer of this fund for our mutual benefit, hence the reason for this email,
My proposal is that after you receive the funds, it would be shared as follows: (1) 15% to you as commission for your co-operation and assistance in facilitating the transfer, while the remaining 83% belongs to me and two colleague and 2% will be used to offset expenses we incure at the cause of the transfer. You will be free to take out your commission immediately after the money hits your account in your country. Since our objective is to invest the money in a foreign country, it would be appreciated if you could also help us with advices and direction on investing into profitable ventures in your country.
However, this is optional, and if it is not convenient for you to further assist us with investing the money, we can end our cooperation after you make available to me our part of the money. The transaction, although discreet, is legitimate and the money will be transferred successfully with all necessary back-up official documents showing the legitimate source/origin of fund. The transfer will be effected within a period not longer than two weeks as soon as we reach an agreement and you furnish me with a suitable response indicating your interest for processing the transfer. I plead with you on one issue, whether you are interested or not, kindly do not expose this information to any one else. I confirm that the transaction is legitimate and without any risks either to us or yourself. Please, give me your response immediately by returning this mail through my alternative email address denisncube2000@yahoo.com
Yours Faithfully,
Dr.Denis Ncube
A - Denis, does that rhyme with Penis? Cause only a stupid fucking dick would send out an email like this. I mean shit, I thought this retarded scam was fucking over years ago but here it is, 2000-fucking-8 and you dumb bastards are at it again.
I guess there must be some portion of the fucking population diagnosed with dementia every day so I suppose you might find a taker every now and fucking then. What I fucking want to understand though is why these fucking emails have to be so boring and shitty.
Look, no one in their right mind is going to give you what you want so why not go way over the fucking top. Instead of being a fucking “civil servant,” why not be a “giant sentient squid?” Rather than being from “South Africa” why not be from “inside a fucking penguin’s gut?” And shit, rather than trying to get the money out due to an “unstable political environment” what not tell it like it really fucking is: you want the fucking money to create a giant death ray to destroy all penguins.
And giving out phone numbers and emails is for pussies. You should just give people your fucking longitude and latitude and tell them to bring a spear gun and to kill the first fucking penguin they see. That if they do, you’ll come bursting out with golden doubloons raining from the fucking sky and giant snapping fingers keep rhythm with the music of the fucking spheres.
And as for discretion, fuck that, you want as many fucking people there on the fucking ice killing birds as fucking possible. You should say something like, “for every 10,000 people you recruit to our cause, we will allow another one of your family members to survive the coming squid apocalypse.
Now that vision, fucking Antarctica bristling with spear-gun toting penguin killers – millions of them – would be fucking worth seeing.
Trying to get people’s fucking phone numbers this way is something only assholes do.
